Novel Solutions to Perplexing Problems.
My favorite definition of a crazy person is someone who has a persistent problem and repeatedly applies the same solution, with the same disastrous results, while fully expecting a different outcome each time. Politicians are especially good at this. Giving up on an unworkable solution would be an admission of failure. Politicians never admit anything. I like solutions that work. I'm continually amazed at some of the ridiculous solutions we apply to our biggest problems, each time with the same dismal result. Let's look at a few solutions that work or would work if given a chance.
We used to have a lot of bats in our attic. The fine dried guano would slowly filter down through the ceiling and cover everything in our living quarters. An attempt to seal the attic didn't work. The bats always found a way in. Masking off the cracks in the ceiling with tape slowed the filtration of bat guano dust, but not enough. Next I climbed up into the hot, dark, smelly loft, crawled around on my hands and knees and tacked sheets of plastic on the attic floor--the ceiling of our living quarters--thinking that the guano would fall on top of the plastic and not through the cracks. That only made matters worse.
The bats crawled under the plastic to sleep, probably because it was darker there. Finally, I decided that we would just have to learn to live with a covering of bat poop dust in our house, the only consolation being that guano is excellent, fertilizer for the garden. Also, we rationalized that the bats kept the mosquitos under control. Every couple of months I climbed up into the attic with my whisk broom, dust pan and plastic bag to collect the nitrogen rich fertilizer, until one day when there was hardly any guano to be found. Looking around, I realized that there weren't any bats either. "How ironic." I thought, "Now the situation is reversed. The shortage of guano has become a problem." While pondering the situation, I brushed aside one of the old and torn sheets of plastic. It took a second for the brown and cream colored diamond pattern to register on my mind.
I gasped a quick breath and stared down at the coiled form of a large boa constrictor, less than a hand's width from my knee. Neither of us moved. A few seconds later, when my heart resumed beating, I replaced the plastic cover and moved gingerly away. The bat problem was solved without my help and with the added benefit that we could eliminate rat poison from our shopping list as well. A family meeting resulted in a decision to live with the snake and without bats, rats or guano.
Now lets have a look at a different kind of problem. Since the terrorist attacks of September 11, fear of flying is having a noticeable effect on tourism in Costa Rica. In last month's Quepolandia someone suggested putting a pig on every airplane to enhance airline security, since Moslems would be horrified by the thought of being buried with a pig. That might help with the security problem, but there are probably a lot of passengers who wouldn't enjoy flying with a stinking pig.
Incidents like that guy who walked through the security system at O'Hare with nine knives, a can of mace and a stun gun in his carryon, shake people's confidence and discourage them from flying. This directly affects Costa Rica which depends on tourism for a large portion of its foreign exchange. So what's the answer? How do we give people the peace of mind they need without putting them through a security procedure that will be displeasing at best and petrifying at worst? The procedure must be absolutely effective as well as quick and non-offensive. Making it pleasant would be even better.
Everyone knows that nothing short of a strip search will detect a wooden knife or a bomb taped to a passenger's body underneath his or her clothing. So let's have a look at the idea of strip searches. Forcing the passengers to undress in front of a strange security officer is so extreme that all but the most blatant exhibitionist would find it humiliating. But, being nude is not necessarily an unpleasant experience. As a matter of fact, the idea of being nude is often associated with extreme pleasure. People even go to business establishments and pay to see nude people on and off stage.
Nudist camps are more common than most people realize. So why not take strip searches one step further. Require all passengers to fly naked.
Before you laugh, think about it. The entire procedure could be done quickly. At the boarding ramp everyone could enter a dressing room, undress, put their clothes in a bag and check the bag with an attendant. The clothes would all be returned at the end of the flight when passengers would pass through another dressing room located just off the ramp. If everyone were nude there would be no worries about someone carrying a hidden weapon on board and the flight could be very enjoyable.
In all fairness, the flight attendants would have to be nude as well. The pilots could be fully dressed, but their cabin would be sealed off, not to keep terrorists out of the cockpit, but to keep the pilots in there and flying the plane. There would be no hidden cameras showing the pilots what is going on in the passengers' cabin. We want their attention on the instrument panel where it belongs.
Business would be stimulated. New opportunities would pop up. Body painting, which to date has been nothing more than a fad, would become a major industry. Think of the possibilities for hair dressers. Americans are notoriously overfed and overweight. Mandatory nude travel would be just the stimulus many frequent fliers would need to go on a diet and exercise program and stick to it. Americans would become healthier. A whole new scope of themes would open for fiction and drama writers. Imagine all the new films that would be produced. Maybe Americans would even get over their inhibitions and quit being so uptight about nudity.
Everyone would start flying again. I bet people would fly even if they didn't have anywhere to go. More people would fly to Costa Rica. The hotels, restaurants, beaches and National Parks would fill up with visitors from all over the world. Problem solved.
Let's look at another one. The other night CNN reported that according to a UN study we are in for big trouble this century. World population will reach 9.3 billion in the next 50 years; we need to double our food supply in the same period of time; but we will probably run out of potable water by 2025. During the 30 seconds devoted to the report CNN didn't mention whether or not the UN had a solution for the problem. They had to hurry on to a three minute report about the Dow Jones average having increased for the fourth consecutive day.
This is a very complex problem. If we suddenly come to our senses and get the population under control, quit cutting down our forests, quit devastating our fisheries, quit expanding our cities onto our prime agricultural land, quit pumping our aquifers ever lower, reduce our use of dangerous chemicals and fossil fuels, etc., etc., etc.; economic growth would slow down and the Dow Jones average would take a nose dive. That would probably merit a lot more than 30 seconds on CNN.
In reality, this problem is easy to deal with because we don't have to do anything. Mother Earth will take care of everything for us. In the words of Paul Hawkin in The Ecology of Commerce:
"Underlying all ecological science is the inevitable fact that, given a chance, the earth will eventually restore itself. The salient question we need to discuss in our communities and businesses is whether human kind will participate in that restoration or be condemned by our ignorance to vanish from the planet."
Don't take that lightly! Mr. Hawkin is very serious about it, and, unfortunately, he is right. When Mother Earth finishes straightening out the environmental problems we have created and brings everything back into equilibrium, we may not be around to see the results and, if we are, there won't even be a Dow Jones average.
So what can we do? The best single thing you can do for the planet is to plant trees. Trees remove carbon from the atmosphere and lock it up in wood fiber while, at the same time, releasing oxygen. This mitigates global warming which is causing the climate to change in unpredictable ways. Forests hold soil together and absorb and retain water, releasing it slowly. It is better to plant a variety of trees, preferably native species. In the tropics, trees grow rapidly. Unused land quickly reverts to secondary forest.
In the southwestern Costa Rica area there are many nonprofit groups working to restore the environment. Pick one and go to work. Inform yourself about your environment and do something. Look for your own solutions to you own local environmental problems.
Recommended reading: Ishmael by Daniel Quinn, The Ecology of Commerce by Paul Hawkin, and a wonderful little book called, The Man Who Planted Trees, by Jean Giono.
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